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effort and fear

by ride the lightning, courtney

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1.
soft power 03:39
anyone can play these songs : e thing/c thing/g // e/f/g/a -- cant clean up all the blood instead I spit in yr mouth push my hand against the gauze weigh the wad pound for pound sigils that wont manifest mouth smeared with fondant drag my feet up the podium aint no such thing as a pit hey we got the chance, how bout that but turns out still just a fat faggot theres a broken sword theres the writhing corpse totems and tokens at hand wonder what could still be forged the biggest crucifix pumps blood and screams miles underground theres no way to get there bream pile at its mouth at least a nightmare can end
2.
anyone can play these songs : g/bm/c/am/f# // c/am/bm/c // g/bm/am // bm-g-f#-g – making myself dumb struggle to take out the trash wont last through whats next to get thru need to make some positive progress covered in saw dust one day to ascend never to yield again want to treat everything that happens as an event, a planned occasion some ones gotta be nice to me sometimes heaven is the world we are its keepers, we have failed I dont believe in hell life does the job pretty well the sum of my parts dont add up to much nothing deeper to find not much to be lost some ones gotta be nice to me sometimes digusted with life ready for death begging for a change of heart
3.
test dream 03:35
anyone can play these songs : f-c-am-g-e-f // c-am-em-e-f // am-em-f// am-em-c-f-am-em-f -- forge a divorce of likely means ghost on the pressing things meet some far away beacon see the way it dims, maybe deepens ascend to a smoothen slope then bare room, halls to grope no fear though exposed faint path here, a flash of perhaps where someone goes a sense of welcome unshakable welcome that’s when some sort of fear comes stone goblets all around in a thousand gaping throats gaudy trinkets sliding freely on wrists lopsided above thrones streaky, my bad life caught in a reflecting ledger post my dick on r/seventhseal hold my breath for the face reveal a sense of welcome unshakable welcome that’s when some sort of fear comes I stumble on the slope a zero journal of names no more places face burning a test or a dream neither of those things
4.
mold uptakes the barricades/g-bm-c-bm look thru an opening to the empty things some could be buildings too blurry to confirm distinct forms of origin casters set to a grid so appearing to move but unable to move even in dreams the cowards writhe personless expanse tied in southward tides not exactly singular, not exactly lonely barren with plenty of options, all ‘only’ s no heart, only ‘only’ s even in dreams theres nothing to a heart/g-f#-e dont start in on about the heart theres no amnesty in crisis city/b-c-g penultimate sigh the sky sheds a mask no face behind limp like a tshirt played out and butt hurt defaults all revert stuck in the t pose waiting for my cutscene to load no heart, only ‘only’ s even in dreams theres nothing to a heart/g-f#-e dont start in on about the heart theres no amnesty in crisis city - bm/c/g/f#/e why did you think there would be cuz hashem stands with a scythe and he looks you in the mouth he looks you in the mouth and says no way out - c/g/bm
5.
last time we got the flood/capo 4/ am-c-em-f-c-am-f next, probably the same maybe this time were getting the flames ill never reach a higher place live and die just short of grace walking confused through my house/capo 4 c-am-f-e-f-e7 cant find a use for myself last time we got the flood/capo 4/ am-c-em-f-c-am-f next, probably the same maybe this time were getting the flames ill never reach a higher place live and die just short of grace the world drops away and but still presses exits field dressed by cast darkness walking confused through my house/capo 4 c-am-f-e-f-e7 cant find a use for myself what if everyone gets what they deserve //c-am-em/c-g-f/c-am-e7-f-g and through some terrible calculus everything is set right as it should beyond what we discern
6.
fear of an upcoming obstacle // f#m-bm-b/a-g-a meltdown in the nazi thread tend to error when time to sweep the side with caution caught off guard by the mirror but too afraid to raise a false alarm bad pizza in a much too humid room that feels like a car a shepherd's chord rings out loud // g-a-d-e7-g-e to a dwindled weekday crowd hell stretches out in front like a bike chain started to wonder about my future started dragging up the past always the same but in a different way a sorta long pain whose cause you cant ever catch moment of fortune to moment of fortune defeated walking between them a line of hostage situations dont take hostages if you’re too afraid to kill them a shepherd's chord rings out loud // g-a-d-e7-g-e to a dwindled weekday crowd hell stretches out in front like a bike chain
7.
some gripping chain of events // e thing-f thing-c that fit together when remembered but at the time, seemed godless but nevertheless sent sooner or later when free of speech or perhaps a certain weight waiting to be cast aside, or turned like an embrace you still have to watch them drive away in the car //g-f every single weakness coming back to haunt you everybody loves you but nobody wants you soon will come the day that we approach invested in fear and no release comes met with roaring applause watching it all work in anothers favor a revealing disgust, is this who you are you still have to watch them drive away in the car give me pity or hate anything in between becomes a thing I take from and change you still have to watch them drive away in the car /c-am-g-f
8.
umbasa 02:53
open field, surrounded / am-g-f/c-d-f/em-f-c-d no one will know what has happened only those gathered so how will we act what will we choose loose ends to knot knots set to come loose I cant for the life of me figure out what my life should mean day to day it changes but I dont seem to be what comes at a greater price paid / c-d-f-em too afraid so cringing too much to reset the lathe shift over the slats, leave the way back / f-g-em-am way back where last it was intact keeping things in perspective try not to flinch on impact roadblock up ahead/ f-g-c-em-f-em still time to turn away ive been looking forward to making this mistake I wanted to be worth it /f-em but somewhere down the line I guess I changed my mind
9.
theres still a future /c-f-e-f-bm-a-d-g its coming from somewhere we already cant ever go home soon there’ll be nowhere to go no individual tombs wake up blushing carrying bad news so many good things coming to get me cuz theres still a future with or without me
10.
youll never find my body //c-g-f a rain dried tshirt covered in piss stuck to a rib cage in a ditch that could be me if thats what you wanna believe but youll never find my body im becoming a shitty person and youll never find my body

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released September 26, 2020

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ride the lightning, courtney Detroit, Michigan

im david.
if i run out of free downloads, just email me and ill send you the songs.

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